“I can’t abandon
the person I used to be
so I carry her”
365 Days of Haiku, Day #123 (via erzascarlets)

Pareto Inefficient

Pareto Inefficient
David flirts with all the girls I fancy.
He’s cleverer than I aspire to be.
Whether or not the girls are dating David,
I know that none of them are dating me.

cute little circles

all extinguished one by one

how will i go on?

pz

Emotional problems
and he thinks we (the 8)
not us (the 2 + others we don’t care
to know about) are his
therapists
couldn’t pay me enough honey
which is a lie
but I still ain’t getting paid am I

except now it’s more like
he kicked around in my house
then walked out ‘cause it weren’t good enough
and sometimes I find little plaster cracks
and think how’d that get there
wake up at 2 am a week later and remember
oh yeah
and little worms in my stomach
crawl all around when I think
should I let this one in

no

I’m inspecting the words
on my fingertips
and I meant it about the gun
because I sniffed at your bones too
before he slammed your front door
and I thought you were so so strange
but I’ve been looking around at the walls
and rafters lately
and it’s something about this house
I don’t let anybody through the door no more

and I’m still sniffing at the air
tail penduluming away
because all I know for sure
is you’ve got his cat hairs on your sweater too

and it’s stupid to forge anything off cat hairs

21
can drink but don’t
can smoke but won’t
can snort shoot puff but won’t won’t won’t
can fuck but not not yet
(he started packing at that point)

SINGLE ASIAN GIRL seeking who the fuck knows. I might be asexual, I might be celibate, I might be traumatized. If you try to fix me with your dick, it’ll be your dick that’ll need fixing. Drama queen, martyr, bitch. Clingy, petty, jealous. Do we have anything to talk about?

Chocolate chip boson

You remember when you
were a lowly researcher
scraping funds together
and no one understood why
they ought to give you money.
Some didn’t know why
CP violation occurring
when neutral D mesons decayed
was such a big deal
(and they only pretended to know
what any of those words meant)
and some didn’t believe you.

You remember when a girl
knocked on your apartment door
because you were still living
in an apartment then
because they wouldn’t let you
stay all night with the colliders.
And you remember she gave you
the worst cookies you’d ever had
in all your twenty plus years.

You remember that you got better
moving on to leptons and quarks
and she got better as you did
remembering to mix the sugar
with the wet and the flour
with the dry.

You remember because she walks in just now
and she has cookies for everyone
all your postdocs and nobel prize winners
and summer students.

She has sugar cookies retrieved from the past
and coconut cookies transmuted from gold
peanut butter cookies made by grandmas
and for you a single oatmeal raisin cookie.

Hi honey Hi buddy Honey honey buddy
she says.

Where did this particular cookie come from
you ask.
Was it the Cookieverse

No no
she says
and when she smiles her teeth shine
a beautiful healthy onyx.

I made this one for you
all by myself
Honey honey buddy.

And you remember when
her teeth were white
as she sat on your couch
and you both were eating
the worst cookies ever
that she had baked
and you were collecting
quarters from people
who didn’t know your name
to fund precious minutes
of particle collision.

And now she says with
black black teeth
I won’t keep you from
your research
I’ve gotta run anyway
Cookies to bake
and universes to run.

And you swallow the cookie
and you say through the
oatmeal and raisins
Ok bye honey buddy.

And you hug each other
and she slips you an envelope
and whispers in your ear
Funding for the next month
and you nod and smile
against her cheek.

Then she’s gone out the door
and you hear her calling
for her grandmarmy
and the sunlight blinds you
as it reflects off the transmuted
and rainbow grandmas closing
ranks behind her and you
you remember when you were
both dirt poor and waiting
for everyone to know your names
and the cookie was some sort of
metaphor for your lives.

You spare a moment to remember
but you do not look out the window
at the chocolate landscape and
macadamia nut filled cosmos
because instead you are again
thinking about bosons and collision
and not about money or cookies
because there’s as much of that
as you’ll ever ever need.

“Before I am your daughter,
your sister,
your aunt, niece, or cousin,
I am my own person,
and I will not set fire to myself
to keep you warm.”
“Give me that dark moment I will carry it everywhere
like a mouthful of rain.”
Mary Oliver, Blue Pastures (via petrichour)

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“I can’t abandon
the person I used to be
so I carry her”
365 Days of Haiku, Day #123 (via idreamof-pb)

xxvii.

(Source: asriels)

trans star

I don’t want

a man’s body

or a woman’s body

 

I want a celestial body

smoking hot and untouchable

radiant in every sense

'Turbotastic!' screamed
across crumbling mountain pops.
I’m gonna wreck it.

screwballdame:

enough poetry about loving me
despite my imperfections.

my scars are not invitations to kiss my skin.

i did not go through hell for you to insist
that the burning coals i walked on
didn’t happen; didn’t exist.

“There are poems
inside of you
that paper can’t
handle.”
(via forebidden)

(Source: rustyvoices)